When Love Looks Different: How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day With a Spouse Who Has Dementia

At Heather Glen Senior Living, we come in contact with many Lehigh Valley area couples who are navigating the effects of dementia. We have seen the difficulty with caregiving spouses who try to maintain a romantic connection with their lifelong partner. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays are no different and can sometimes exacerbate the challenge.

Valentine’s Day is often wrapped in images of romance, shared memories, and traditions built over decades. For spouses caring for a loved one with dementia, this holiday can stir up complicated emotions—grief for what has changed, uncertainty about how to celebrate, and even guilt for feeling disappointed. If this is you, know this first: you are not alone, and your love has not disappeared. It has simply changed shape.

Dementia alters how a person remembers, communicates, and responds—but it does not erase the bond you share. Love becomes quieter, more tender, and rooted less in performance and more in presence. This Valentine’s Day, it’s okay to release old expectations and embrace new ways of connecting.

Letting Go of “How It Used to Be”

Many spouses carry an invisible weight on Valentine’s Day. Cards may no longer be read, conversations may feel one-sided, and once-cherished traditions—dinners out, handwritten notes, shared jokes—may no longer land the same way.

Grieving these changes is not a failure of love. It is a reflection of it.

Instead of asking, “How do I recreate Valentine’s Day the way it was?” try asking, “What brings comfort and connection right now?” When expectations soften, space opens for meaningful moments that still matter deeply.

Love Lives in Simple Rituals

Grand gestures are not required to express love—especially when dementia is involved. In fact, simple, familiar rituals often bring the greatest sense of peace and closeness.

Here are a few gentle ways to mark the day. Share a quiet moment: Sit together with a cup of tea, hold hands, or rest side by side listening to soft music. Create a sensory experience: Familiar scents, favorite foods, or gentle touch can evoke comfort even when words are difficult. Keep it short and calm: A brief, peaceful interaction is often more meaningful than a long, tiring event.

Consistency and familiarity matter far more than novelty.

Using Shared Memories—Without Pressure

Looking through old photographs, wedding albums, or meaningful keepsakes can sometimes spark recognition or emotion. Other times, it may not. Both outcomes are okay.

Rather than quizzing or correcting your spouse, simply narrate with warmth:

“This was such a happy day for us.”

“I always loved this picture of you.”

Even if your spouse doesn’t respond verbally, the emotional tone often still registers. Dementia affects memory, but emotional awareness often lingers far longer than we realize.

Presence Over Performance

One of the hardest adjustments for spouses is accepting that love may no longer be reciprocated in familiar ways. Your partner may not say “I love you” back. They may not recognize the holiday at all.

This does not mean your love is unnoticed or unimportant.

Love now lives in showing up—in patience, gentleness, and steady care. Sitting with your spouse. Speaking kindly. Creating a sense of safety. These acts are profound expressions of devotion, even when they go unacknowledged.

Taking Care of Your Own Heart

Valentine’s Day can also be a reminder of loneliness, even when you are not physically alone. Caregiving is emotionally demanding, and spouses often carry their grief quietly.

Give yourself permission to care for your own heart, too. This includes talking with a trusted friend or counselor, stepping outside for a walk or moment of reflection, and acknowledging both love and loss without judgment.

Support from others who understand can make a meaningful difference. Many families find comfort exploring memory care resources or respite options when caregiving becomes overwhelming. You can learn more about supportive services available through Heather Glen Senior Living’s Memory Care and Respite Care offerings.

Redefining Valentine’s Day Together

Valentine’s Day does not need to be perfect—or even traditional—to be meaningful. It can be quiet. It can be simple. It can look nothing like it used to and still be full of love.

At Heather Glen Senior Living, we walk alongside spouses and families as they navigate these changes with compassion and understanding. If you’re exploring additional support, guidance, or simply a listening ear, we invite you to connect with our team to learn how we can help.

This Valentine’s Day, remember: love hasn’t left—it has adapted. And in many ways, it has become deeper, quieter, and more courageous than ever before.